Love. It’s a funny thing really. There are so many types of love. There’s new love. Old love. Friendly love. Motherly love. And there’s no right or wrong way to love someone; it’s just important TO love. And to love often, openly, and without regret.
When I attended the MTH2010 Watercolor Intensive we had to search ourselves for our biggest fear. And then we had to say that fear aloud. Now, it’s one thing to figure out what scares you. But to admit it openly? That’s a fear in and of itself. So I was sitting there thinking about my fears: fear that I won’t succeed in my business; fear that I won’t be able to quit my job and make Ashley Daniell Photography my full time job; fear that I won’t make enough money. Well, you get the idea. But when it came my turn to say my fear, the most bizarre thing came out of my mouth. And it had nothing to do with my business.
My fear was that my son would not love me. Craziness right? But deep down, that is what I fear most. I love that little boy with all my heart.
I love his long eyelashes;
his pudgy little toes
his rosy cheeks;
yes, even his hemangioma
I love it all. But what if he doesn’t love me back? What if I smother him with love and push him away? What if, what if, what if . . . . And then a very smart woman told me “You are exactly the mother he needs you to be.” Wow. What a way to put it in perspective. I may not be the perfect mother for YOUR child, but I am for mine. I think that goes for a lot of things in life. You may not be the perfect wife for another man, but you are for yours. Your wedding may not be the perfect wedding for someone else, but it’s your perfect wedding. And maybe that one little, reassuring thought can help you stop comparing yourself and your life to others. Because it’s YOUR life, and it’s perfect for you. And that somehow made me feel better. I won’t lie and say that I don’t still think about the what ifs. I am only human after all. But I am trying not to dwell on them. Instead I’m trying to live in the moment. And love him every second of the day.
**all photos taken with my iPhone and edited with Instagram**
Now head on over to my good friend Megan Floyd’s blog and show her some LOVE.